i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
