WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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