I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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