I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
