I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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