i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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