he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
