sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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