so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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