One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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