On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
