Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
