I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
