I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
