it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
