Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
barbara walters just said penis...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
His nipple licking is glorious
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