a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
