I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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