someone get that fucking seahorse.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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