maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
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Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
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pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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