He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
