mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize