talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
