Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize