his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
