Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
my being single is dangerous.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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