he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
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I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
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Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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