I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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