there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
