i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
