areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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