I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
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