Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
