did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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