Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
