did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
