I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
