We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
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just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
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Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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