I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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