Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
