i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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