I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize