she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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