You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
