sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
