He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
