Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
