This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
