Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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