i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
