i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
