if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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