Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
