Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
