you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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