Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
