i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
