If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
