I'm really into asian looking animals
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
