I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
